Pantyhose Revisited: Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

(I find it surprising that my all-time most popular blog entry has been Mourning the Death of Pantyhose from March 18, 2011.  If you haven't read, give it read...along with the astronomical number of others who have enjoyed it. Now for the update...)
It is with no small delight that I am able to announce that pantyhose are on the rise, both literally and figuratively!  Thanks to the Duchess of Cambridge (Kate to her friends), women in England are once more clamoring for sheer pantyhose, or tights as they are referred to there. According to reports, there has been a 30% increase in high-end tight sales.
Although the official royal website states that there is no longer a dress code, in a way it is like your own household. If mama isn't happy...nobody is happy.  You can take your chances on what you wear to Ascot, but you're not getting in the royal box unless you've abided by the Queen's rules: Hats, no cleavage, no mini skirts, no halter tops, no off the shoulder, no bare midriffs and straps on dresses must be at least 1-inch wide. Okay, so while there may be no official royal dress code, one is expected to follow the dictates of royal dress protocol or be removed from the premises.
So, that brings us to the glamorous Duchess and her closed-toe shoes and sheer tights.  Well, she just looks lovely, sexy and sophisticated. Those benefits aside, pantyhose cover up a plethora of sins such as minor stubble, dry, peeling skin, aging legs and a bad self-tanning job. Right here I should mention that pantyhose will not disguise totally hairy legs. Your unshaven limbs will look like there are tiny hair worms trapped under a film of shiny nylon.
I hope American women will embrace the English return to pantyhose.  Unless you are under 18, bare legs with dress clothes look tacky.  It is too bad we don't have a sophisticated fashion icon in this country instead of basing our fashion on the vagaries of dubious Hollywood celebrities.  Really, you want to look like Paris Hilton?  Don't count on our First Lady, Michelle O'Bama, for bringing all those dropouts from civility back into the fold.  She doesn't like pantyhose because, "they are uncomfortable and they rip."  How lazy can you get?  Maybe she should try the Queen-size version and act like a grown-up. 
Do world civilization a favor and buy some pantyhose today. Your mother would like it and so would your grandmother. While you're out there, buy a slip, too.


"Really, Kate, I don't think that's what the Queen had in mind when she suggested you always wear tights."