Ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee.
Apache so amuses me!
Guess what I received in the mail the other day? A letter from Apache. I will enumerate the glaring errors contained therein...
The inside address is wrong. I don't know who lives a 12301 W. County Road 129 in Midland, but it is not us.
The salutation is Dear Friend. Wait a dad-gum minute! There is no way conceivable that we could in any way be construed to be your friend, John Cristmann. If you are sending this letter to all the folks whose land you are invading and drilling on, I think it would be safe to say that you are also not in any way, shape or form a friend or theirs, either.
Now for the really hilarious part...Apache is inviting us to participate in a sporting clays shoot. Yes, they are asking all the people they have alienated and annoyed to come together in a large, armed group. I can only figure that they haven't been reading the papers or watching the news for about the last 25 years...disgruntled postal workers, psychopaths, misguided teens, jilted lovers and the depressed have all found a reason to open fire on an unsuspecting public. While Apache could hardly be classified as unsuspecting, it just seems like common sense not to invite shotgun-toting persons who bear you a grudge to gather with your company's employees.
If for some reason you do not already own a shotgun, Apache is giving away guns. "One in eight will win a gun!" Let's arm the unarmed. Here's another really relevant note: "no ammo provided." They might give you a gun, but be sure to bring your own shotgun shells to participate in the revelry.
The conundrum posed by this event is that the shoot supports Permian Basin teachers. I am an absolute pushover when it comes to anything involving education. After looking over the entry form, I think I have viable solution. On the application, right after selecting one's sponsorship level is:
Name. How would you like to be listed in printed materials? ( I added the question mark as they erroneously used a period.)
I am staying up nights trying to come up with the perfect company name for PARTNER and me. Here are some contenders:
Apache Stinks, LTD
Awful People Are Causing Headaches for Everyone aka APACHE
Apache Property & Wildlife Destruction
Please feel free to send me your company name suggestions. The event isn't until April 20th. Can't wait to see our "company name" on the sponsor list! We can help teachers and retaliate at the same time.