I am beginning to lose faith in the "boys of summer". What ever happened to the clean-cut, self-effacing baseball player whose only foray into the commercial world was selling shaving cream? Now they are beating their wives, taking dope and generally acting like prima donnas. After some in-depth research, I've concluded that it all stems from an excess of facial hair.
There are only two acceptable reasons for a man to sport a beard. The first is, if you happen to be Santa Claus. It just goes without saying that Santa wouldn't be Santa without his snowy white beard. The other exception to the beard ban is a Pirate...the swashbuckling, Kevin Kline in The Pirates of Penzance, type pirate. (You know, tight pants and leather boots, very sexy, etc.)
So, Bud Selig, if you really want to clean up the sport of baseball, why not start with mandatory shaving? Let's ditch the chin patches, goatees, mutton chops and Van Dykes and return to those days of yester year when clean-shaven faces reigned supreme.