I would like a new car and some diamonds. After you take care of that, I hope you will help out some of the less fortunate sports analysts.
Please bring Lou Holtz some Poligrip or a speech therapist and put an end to that Dr. Lou business.
Phil Sims could use several things, but most importantly, he needs an LY...the man has never met an adverb. He thinks people run rapid, when they actually run rapidly.
Mike Leach desperately needs a coaching job because he has proved he will never make it as an analyst on CBS College Sports.
I know this is asking a lot, but could you take Deion Sanders off Thursday Night Football? If this is impossible, just load up your sack with a little humility for him.
I can barely stay awake through some of the football games this season, but Troy Aikman is being PAID to remain conscious. A case of 5 Hour Energy would be appropriate.
I know this will be difficult for you to fathom, but I'm betting Tony Kornheiser doesn't even believe in you. In fact, I don't think he believes in anything but himself. A complete personality makeover would be great, but short of that, some extra wide duct tape might quiet him down for a few minutes.
Please bring something extra special to Chris (back, back, back)Berman, Kirk Herbstreet and Andre Ware. They know how to present football in a professional, polished manner without self-aggrandisement.