My He-Man Fantasy Football Team



Dick (kick) Butkus: team idol

 I am really tired of the LaSeans, Deseans, Shonns and Shawnes. Add the Princes and Tyrones to that list. Would you shake in your cleats when faced with Travis LaBoy (Charger), Tyler Clutts (Bear), Lyle Jolly (Falcons) Jeremy Mincy (Jaguars), Bront Bird (Chargers) or Paris Lenon (Cardinals)? Give me a fantasy team with some backbone in their names.  Take your pick from my list of he-man appellations.
Bills: delinquent
Dolphins: Marc Colombo (always gets his man), Richie Incognito (try to spot him) and Austin Spitler (watch out for his mouth!)
Patriots: Ryan Mallett (you'll remember his hit), Danny Woodhead (who could survive a mallet), Rob Gronkowski ( we need lots old school players whose names end in "ski" and "sky") Brandon Dederick (wanted deaderick or alive) Vince Wilfork (you right in the gut) and Zoltan Mesko (science fiction mad-man)
Jets:  Wayne Hunter (he'll find you)
Ravens:  Joe Flacco (he'll give you flack) and Terrell Suggs (just sounds dreadful)
Bengals: no one to sink your teeth into
Browns: bake some brownies
Steelers: Doug Legursky (Old school,yes!) and Arnaz Battle (ready for battle)
Texans:  Tim Bulman (don't give him any bull), Neil Rackers (I don't care if he's a kicker..great name.)
Colts:  Pat Angerer (he's already mad, he'll just get angrier)
Jaguars:  Will Rackley (he'll wrack you), Jason Spitz ( team him with Austin Spitler) and Ashton Youboty (he'll kick some booty)
Titans:  Javon Ringer (you'll be hearing bells) and Byron Stingily (bee careful)
Broncos:  Eric Decker (leaves them on the deck), Champ Baily (a lot to live up to but everyone loves a champion), Daniel Fells (he fells everything that comes in his way)and David Bruton (every team needs a brute)
Chiefs: Andy Studebaker (Honorable mention as a hulk of a car)
Raiders:  Rock Cartwright (cousin to Hoss?)
Chargers: no sale
Cowboys: Gerald Sensabaugh (can sense the ball)
Giants: Bear Pascoe (he'll hug you like a bear) and Rocky Bernard (we all know Rocky can overcome anything.)
Eagles:  Phillip Hunt (send him out with Wayne Hunter)
Redskins:  Rocky McIntosh (either a good choice or a lumpy apple)
Bears: Nick Roach (creep me out!)
Lions: no roar in this group
Packers: Donald Driver (drive you into the ground) Tom Crabtree (watch out for the crab)and A.J. Hawk ( a bird of prey in cheeseland)
Vickings:  Phil Loadholt (Loadholt?  love it)
Falcons: Matt Bosher (pretty scary for a punter)
Panthers:  Geoff Hangartner (makes you think of clothes-lining) and Jeremy Shockey (just one look will shock you)
Saints:  Turk McBride (focus on the Turk)
Buccaneers: E.J. Biggers (bigger than what?) and Anthony Gaitor (as in alli-gator)
Cardinals: Mike Leach (don't put the blood-sucker on me)
Rams:  Ah You (as in Ah! You! please don't hit me)
49ers:  Michael Crabtree (another crabby one)
Seahawks: Atari Bigby (he's a gamer)
Just in case you think my theory a little wacky, the New England Patriots have scored six players on my fantasy team. They have been to the Super Bowl six times. This year they rank third in points scored, second in yardage and second in passing yards.  Give it up, I'm a sports genius.
By the way guys...No end zone dances, no long hair and no hulk posing on my field of dreams.