Alien Discovery Shocks World!

I think that I am a pretty normal HUMAN being.  I have never believed that an alien spaceship crashed in Roswell in 1947, or that alien J-Rod was being cloned in Area 51.  I have not read Project Blue Book and don't agree with the theory there was a Majestic 12 sent out to cover up all the alien visitations. Although I don't like most politicians, I don't think they have been secretly replaced by reptilian aliens. Nor, do I think the Aryan race and Hitler had anything to do with aliens.  I have read Ancient Astronauts by Erich von Daniken, but he later admitted that much of his "evidence" was faked.
So, where does that leave us?  Why at WalMart.  If I was an alien and wanted to become obscure, I would go to WalMart.  It is the one place on Earth where strange is normal.  It is no wonder that I had my alien epiphany in that very store.
While walking down the colds and flu aisle, I was struck by the similarity between an alien head and a Vicks cough drop.  Then it hit me!  One cold at a time we are being abducted by aliens.  Why it took anyone so long to figure this out, I do not know.  The world can only rejoice that I have discovered this evil plot before any more hapless humans are turned into alien slaves