Fashion Plate

If you like Texas Jot, please take a look at my other blog, Fashion Plate. It is the home of my handmade retro Barbie clothes and lots of delicious recipes from my cookbooks.

Friday, October 26, 2012

How to Deal With Telephone Solicitations

I don't think the No Call List has reduced the number of telephone solicitations I receive.  It does, however, give me the opportunity to shout, "I'm on the No Call List!" before I slam down the phone. I have already ranted about political calls, so I'll limit this to folks selling things I don't want or need.

Several years ago, when I was still kind and gentle with these annoying callers, I had a woman call me from Florida.  I don't remember what she was selling, but in my sweetest voice I announced that I did not take telephone solicitations. Her response was, "You *****!  What did you call me?" and quickly disconnected.

My mother had the two very best phone stories I ever heard.  She was constantly getting phone calls from the Arthur Murray Dance Studio.  Despite her protests, they were determined that she come in for a free dance lesson. After politely refusing on numerous occasions, she finally decided to play along.
AMDS:  "At absolutely no cost to you, we would like to give you a free dance lesson so that you can experience the joys of dancing."
MOM:  " But I can't dance."
AMDS: "We can teach anyone to dance.  Soon you will be gliding across the floor."
MOM:  "Well, it sounds like lots of fun, but...
AMDS:  "When would you like to come in for your free lesson?"
MOM:  "I can't drive, so I'll have to find someone to take me over there."
AMDS:  "You could take a taxi."
MOM:  "I don't have any legs, so it is hard for me to answer the door."
AMDS:  "Click!"

Her other telephone triumph occurred shortly after my father died.

Caller:  "May I speak with Fred Neef?"
Mom:  "He isn't here.  May I take a message?"
Caller:  "No, I need to speak directly to Mr. Neef."
Mom:  "Can you tell me what this is in regards to?"
Caller:  "I need to speak to Mr. Neef, personally.  It is quite important."
Mom:   "He can't be reached by phone right now."
Caller:  "Is there another way I can get in touch with him?"
Mom:   "Are you in the vicinity?"
Caller:  "Yes."
Mom:  "Are you familiar with West Second Street?"
Caller:  "Yes."
Mom:  "You take West second to Shady Grove, turn right and then take your first left.  Follow that road less than a mile and he's the first grave on the right by the big tree."

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