Shocking Announcements

I am sure all of you are still reeling from the past week's shocking announcements. They certainly have had a profound effect on my life.  How about you?

"Actually, I was captured by Aliens and forced to take PEDs."

First of all, can you BELIEVE Lance Armstrong was doping?

Secondly, Jodie Foster revealed that she is gay.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.

"Have you seen my Disney movie Freaky Friday?"

I am so happy that the news media felt compelled to hype these "stories" into oblivion.  Otherwise, we would all still be in the dark.