Fashion Plate

If you like Texas Jot, please take a look at my other blog, Fashion Plate. It is the home of my handmade retro Barbie clothes and lots of delicious recipes from my cookbooks.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Advice for the Betrayed Wife

This Tiger Woods business has the world abuzz. It is really difficult to believe that anyone could be so stupid, but it does give one pause to consider what the best response of the betrayed wife would be when faced with a similar situation.

It might cross your mind that a process to eliminate the offending appendage, as per Ms. Bobbitt, would be effective. If you're not into knives, a shotgun aimed three inches below the belt would achieve your goal. Of course, this knee-jerk reaction might also get you a prison sentence. It does, however, make an attack with a golf club seem quite tame.

Torture, although outlawed by the Geneva Convention, might also be considered. Maybe, tying the offender down with ropes and stakes, pouring honey over his body and inviting an army of fire ants to dine would do quite nicely.

But they say, revenge is the sweetest way to go. How about posting his photo on facebook with the following bio. (Feel free to fill the blanks as you see fit.)
Hi, my name is _____. I am a real_____ and I cheated _____times on my ex-wife. One of the reasons she divorced me was that I had a tiny_____ and an even tinier_____. She also said I was a lousy_____. I'm looking for a gullible _____ who likes to _____ and has lots of money and big_____. I'm not into commitment, but I'm really into_____. There is a strong probability that I'm a carrier of _____, but I'm happy to spread it around. My phone number is_____.

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