I am exhausted. I spent the entire day yesterday protecting the country from nefarious plots. Then my night was consumed by similar terror. A group of attorneys was attempting to take over the world. They were planning to colonize Mars with unsuspecting subjects, including me and PARTNER. We were forced to wear life-jackets containing a mind-altering computer disc. Fortunately, PARTNER was able to block the disc's powerful rays with a piece of cardboard. While not functioning at full capability, we were still able to plot against the infidels.
I was scheduled for execution because I had been drinking too much milk, when I managed to escape my life-jacket and proceed to the kitchen. That night I produced all types of breads and desserts, thus making myself indispensable to the Mars mission. Unfortunately, Sweetpea (of Popeye fame) was executed in my stead.
Only by my cunning and PARTNER'S fast action with a lethal hypodermic needle, the evil-doers were overcome. I know we will all rest more easily this evening.